Capitalism is my shepherd and my consumerism means I shall not want.
He maketh me to pursue imported and home grown plastix. I adorn my skin with plastic paint. He maketh me to need, plastic lunch boxes, dental floss and plastic oil cans. He maketh me to lie down in plastic pastures, bath tubs and bed sheets.
He leadeth me to destroy the earth, all living creatures and poison all waters.
He restoreth my soul, keeps me up with the plastic Jones’, David Jones and the Dow Jones. And He leadeth me in the paths of eternal economic growth, for his own capitalist sake.
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of multi-species extinction I will fear no evil or urgent need to change, because capitalism, thou art with me, thy false fingernails, phone chargers & spray tan, they comfort me, all the days of my life!
Thou preparest the earth on a plastic tv table before me, upon which to feast and gorge, with mine enemies. Thou annointest my head with foils, hair conditioner and hair dye. My cup runneth over with the blood of all species.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me and my millions of tonnes of plastic all the days of my life and we shall dwell in the house of the Lord of Capitalism, Colonialism, Consumerism and the missionary mentality in eternal plastic life, four gods forever and ever.